


Ar lath ma, sa'lath.

by almostkeeper



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-13
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-23 18:10:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7474542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almostkeeper/pseuds/almostkeeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on Merrill's POV the death of clan Sabrae. With some light fluff with male Hawke, and a healthy mix of original and canon dialogue.  Merrill disassociates while killing her clan and Hawke has no idea how to respond. but he tries his best, and Merrill finally accepts that Hawke has feelings for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ar lath ma, sa'lath.

 

“You are beautiful, Merrill. You know that, don’t you?”

 

“O-Oh, no, I don’t. I mean.. That is so kind of you to say. I.. is it warm in here..?” She looked away, attempting to hide a blush that started at her collarbone and worked its way all the way to the tips of her ears. She suspected Hawke did this on purpose, to see her so flustered. She felt so silly reacting this way, but that only made her blush harder. She had such feelings for Hawke, but despite his frequent flirting, she didn’t dare think that he might return those feelings, not truly; not in the way she did. She yearned to change the subject, before embarrassing herself further. Luckily she had called Hawke to her house in the Alienage for good reason, she needed his help, and it offered the change of pace she so desired.

 

“Lethallin...I-I'm afraid I have to ask too much of you.. again." She hesitated, worrying over how Hawke would react to what she was going to propose.

 

“...I thought the Arulin’Holm would make the mirror finally work, but nothing is happening I mean...it's just _sitting_ there, showing absolutely nothing... _The nerve."_ Merrill gestured broadly toward the Eluvian,  "I- I have a solution, I think...but you aren't going to like it..” She bit her lip, nervously

"I'm going to regret asking, aren't I?" Hawke made a pained face, readying himself for whatever bad news Merrill was about to deliver to him.

"Probably..." Merrill conceded, but continued anyway "I..the _spirit_ that helped me cleanse the mirror to begin with... I think I need to go back to him.. He knew so much about it, I believe he would help me to finally fix it." She waited anxiously for his reaction.

 

Hawke sighed and pressed his hand to his forehead “Right..because _nothing bad_ ever came from summoning demons..” He said dryly.

 

Merrill pouted, so far this wasn’t going great. But she had to make him understand. He was the only one she could turn to.

“Well.. that’s exactly why I need you to come with me.. In case something goes wrong... in case...” Her voice trailed off.

 

"In case you get possessed?" Hawke finished, slightly abrasive.

 

"Yes." She replied, hanging her head down, "If that happens.. I need you to kill me. I need to know I wouldn't hurt anyone else." She always wanted to believe that she could handle herself perfectly well against demons, but ever since Pride had her turn on him, she knew she was more vulnerable than she believed, and she needed Hawke as a safety net. He would do the right thing, no matter what. He was so perfect like that.

 

Hawke raised his eyebrows incredulously “You’re not seriously asking me to come along with you so that I can kill you if you become an abomination? How exactly is that a plan?”

 

“You have to understand… Everything I have ever done has been to help my people. I owe it to them to see this finished… Please, Lethallin.. You are the only one I can trust with this.. I- _I need you_ , Hawke.”

 

He sighed once again, after that he could hardly say no. Even if this was insane, he wouldn’t refuse her, not if it meant so much to her. “I can see you’re determined. I’ll come along to make sure nothing goes wrong.”

 

Merrill felt relief rush over her, she had been so terrified that Hawke would refuse or even be angry with her for asking. That he accepted so readily was the best news she had heard in awhile. She was so grateful to have him in her life.  “Ma serannas. You have no idea what this means to me. I’ll find a way to repay you, I promise.”

  
_\----Approaching the Sabrae Clan through a pass in Sundermount----_

“Da’len, you have returned to us.” Keeper Marethari spoke hopefully,

“Does this mean you’ve reconsidered?”

 

"No. It doesn't." Merrill said flatly "I didn't even know the clan would still be here. You shouldn't be. _Why are you?"_

 

“We stay because I still have business here.” She returned simply. “We will leave when we are finished.”

 

“The humans will come. You cannot stay here, they will force you out.” She worried about her clan, even if they did not care for her. It would destroy her to see anything happen to them.

 

“There are plenty of hiding spaces within these mountains. We will go when it is time.” She said, ending the conversation subject with the finality in her tone.

 

Merrill sighed. There was no talking to her.

 

“How can Merrill fix the Eluvian?” Hawke spoke up, still hoping they might get more help.

 

“I would not fix that _cursed_ thing even if I could.” The Keeper spat back, clearly offended at the question. “It has already taken so much from our clan. This evil cannot be allowed in our world, Merrill. You must see reason.”

 

Merrill huffed, of course the Keeper would continue to fight her. “It is _a part_ of our world. It is a part of our history, and it is our people's _duty_   to restore anything we can. No one grieves for Tamlen more than I, but responding with fear and allowing our people to lose this, too...I will _not_ have this thrown away. We could learn so much...But I am wasting my time. You would fear the past rather than reclaim it. Is it _any wonder_ the Creators abandoned us?” She turned to Hawke, anger seeping through her words.

“This is pointless Hawke, let’s leave. Please.”

At that, they turned to walk away.

 

The walk up to the cave in Sundermount was unremarkable, apart from a small rite given to Mythal from a lone shrine. It was dangerous not to honor her when the opportunity presented itself.

 

Upon reaching the cave, Merrill took lead to the front of the party to explore the cave.

“Something’s not right.” She said cautiously and almost immediately.

 

“What do you mean _not right?”_ Hawke asked, readying himself for trouble.

 

“The spirit.. H-he’s not here… It’s empty.”

 

 _“Empty?_   You said he was sealed away here.”

 

“This _is_ where the spirit was bound. But…. I can’t feel him here any longer.” Merrill felt a spiral of cold dread run down her spine. Whatever happened here could not have been pleasant. 

 

“Then we’re done here. The spirit must have freed itself. Perhaps we can track it down..”

 

“No, that's not it. You don't understand.. the kind of power it would take to free the spirit would have been...." She shuddered at the thought, whatever the cost to set him loose, it would have been grave, and horrific. "Something terrible happened here." she finished, and just as she did, a familiar voice sounded behind them.

 “I happened.” 

 

 _No. This was not happening. Creators please, let this not be happening._ “Keeper," Merrill said, immediately recognizing the voice and turning to face Marethari, who appeared behind her _"...What have you done?”_ Merrill approached her cautiously.

 

“The demon had always planned on you restoring the mirror. He would have used it...used you as a way out of this prison and into our world. I couldn't let that happen, da’len.”

 

Merrill shook her head, in equal parts disbelief and anger. She knew the Keeper didn’t believe in her mission but this… to do this… was beyond anything Merrill had imagined.

 

“Where is the demon now?” Hawke asked sternly.

 

“The demon yet lingers…” The Keeper started, turning away slightly from the group “I could not fight it in the fade while it was trapped… and I could not banish it without making it stronger. So…. I made myself its prison.” She closed her eyes, conscious heavy with the weight of her actions. Necessary, in her mind.

Merrill buried her face in her hands. She knew what this meant, as much as she hated to believe it.

 

“Kill me...and it dies too.” The Keeper spoke, confirming her fears. Merrill’s eyes burned, threatening tears. This was something out of a nightmare.

 _"Why?_   Why would you do this, I never asked you to do this."  Merrill stammered.

 

“There is no other choice, da’len. You always knew your blood magic would have a price.. I have only chosen to pay it for you.” At that, The Keeper gave in to the demon inside her, letting him loose, last words leaving her lips as she transformed into the demon of Pride “Dareth Shiral.”

 

The battle that ensued was horrifying, not because it was any more challenging than anything else she had fought with Hawke, but because the emotional weight that hung in the air around her was more harrowing than any battle they had been through yet. Every blow against the demon felt like a blow against her Keeper, and in a very real sense, it was exactly that. It ended too quickly, as the demon fell, and the Keeper took his place again. On her knees, gasping for breath, Merrill approached her once beloved mentor. “The demon..” The Keeper started after a moment. “It is..gone.. You have beaten it da’len. Truly you are so much stronger than I had imagined. Let’s leave this awful place. The clan should hear the good news.”

 

Something wasn’t right, Merrill knew, and yet...She wanted so badly to believe. Maybe...if she just let herself believe..it could be alright.

 

Hawke interrupter her thoughts,

“You said the demon was bound to your life. It would only die with you.”

 

He was right, of course. It was what she needed to hear, and it gave her the will to do what must be done. She withdrew a knife that was sheathed at her side and approached her Keeper.

 _“Ir abelas...”_ She spoke quietly, truly filled with grief at the necessity of her actions. With that, she plunged the blade deep into the flesh of her Keeper’s stomach. A huge welt of agony stirring up insider her as she heard the Keeper gasp out in pain. She watched with a grief-stricken expression as the Keeper succumbed before her. The demon was destroyed as well, with a swirl of loud magic, and a weight was lifted from the air; breathing felt easier with it gone.

 

Merrill knelt before the body of her Keeper, and wept into her hands.

“Th-This is all some horrible nightmare... It has to be. Any moment now I'll wake up and feel stupid for believing in any of this..."  She knew the words could never be true even as she spoke them. This was her reality now. It seemed one impossible to live in.

 

“Merrill..I’m so sorry.” Hawke said, kneeling next to her, and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

 

“If she had only listened to me...She never believed in me! It didn’t have to end like this...”

 

“If you need a moment, Merrill..” Hawke offered.

 

“No..” She said, her voice still wavering, as she stood up. “Thank you but... It would be selfish of me to sit here blubbering. The Keeper- She... Someone needs to take care of her..." 

 

As they exited the cave, to Merrill's surprise, the clan was gathered outside.

 

“Where’s the Keeper? We know she came here.” An angry voice belonging to the elf Fenarel sounded from the group.

 

Merrill didn't speak, only hung her head in shame and guilt. Even though she did what had to be done, she felt horrible about it.

 

“Look at her, Fenarel.” Another elf, Ineria, interjected “She’s covered in blood!”

 

 _“...She’s dead._ ” Merrill sobbed, no longer able to hold back the swell of emotions she had been trying to hard to keep down.

 

“I should have guessed you’d turn on her. You monster.” Ineria seethed.

 

“Your Keeper turned into an abomination. We had no choice.” Hawke asserted.

 

“There wouldn’t have been a demon had it not been for this little flat-ear bitch.” Ineria threw back, refusing now to even let Merrill’s name cross her lips again. _Flat-ear_. It was one of the worst curses that could have been directed at Merrill at the time. She had worked so hard to do everything she could for the Dalish; for her own clan. And to be cast aside as being no better than the shem that enslaved their people… it was the ultimate offence.

 

“Our people have suffered enough because of you.” Fenarel stated, drawing his weapon. The rest of the clan followed suit. “It ends now.”

 

The battle against her clan was at least a hundred times worse than that against her Keeper. Each one of her own that she stuck down came with all the memories she ever shared with them. Fenarel, Ineria, Hahren Paivel… Although she was never incredibly close with any of them. The good moments she did have, she cherished, and she could not stand to fight against them. After the first few deaths, it was too much to bear. Merrill retreated into her mind and simply let her body carry out the deed of slaughtering the remainder of her clan.

After it was over, she withdrew her weapon. Drenched in the blood of her people, the people she had sworn her life to protect, she remained eerily silent. Hawke broke that silence.

 

“Merrill….” He truly didn’t know what to say. What was the protocol for consoling someone after helping them destroy the only family they’ve ever known?

 

“I...I have to be alone. I’ll meet you back at Kirkwall.” Her words sounded empty, as if she wasn’t really behind them. And with that she turned and quickly left, leaving Hawke and the rest of the party with the still bodies of her clan.

 

_\-----Back at Merrill’s House-----_

 

Hawke entered past the threshold to find Merrill kneeling in front of the still-inactive Eluvian, crying. Upon hearing him enter, she stood up, wiping the tears from her eyes, and attempting to compose herself.

 

“I can...still scarcely believe any of this is real..” Merrill said slowly, staring into the reflectionless mirror. “All this time I.. I thought I could help them. But they would never accept my help… they died to avoid my help.” She could feel the words only barely choking out without being followed by tears. It was hard now, to see Hawke so composed, and to be an utter mess in front of him. She could only imagine what he thought of her now.  

 

“You can’t help people who don’t want to be helped.” Hawke said, not sure exactly how to console her.

 

“I...suppose I can’t.” Merrill conceded. She took in a deep breath, attempting to steel herself. The attempt failed. “I-I’m all alone.” She was once again overcome by tears. A hollow pain thrummed deep in her bones and pulled at her heart, sinking it. She had no idea what she was going to do now.

 

“You are not alone, Merrill.” Hawke objected, moving closer to her, and taking her hands in his.

“Whatever comes next, we will face it together.”

 

Of course he could make her feel better, when feeling anything other than pain seemed impossible. That was what she loved about him. He was always the voice of reassurance and love when it seemed there wasn’t any to be had.

“How is it... that you always know just the right thing to say? You're strong and clever, and you've always been there for me... _ma vhenan_.. I don't deserve you." She said, turning away from him.

 

Hawke stopped her from pulling back, and instead brought her into an embrace. He pressed his lips chastely on the top of her head. He did then..love her, that is..Like she loved him. All this time wondering, it felt silly now that she ever lost sleep over it. She allowed herself to be lost to the moment.

“I love you, Merrill. You know that, don’t you?” Hawke said, holding her tightly.

 

“I...yes. I do..” She replied, smiling through puffy red eyes. She felt as though she would melt in his arms at hearing him finally say it. He _loved_ her. _He_ loved _her_. As horrible as she felt about her clan, with Hawke with her, she knew somehow she would endure. Face, still buried in his chest, she felt her heart jump with affection as she returned the sentiment.

 

_“I love you too,  ma sa’lath.”_

 

**Author's Note:**

> The title is the last line she spoke, only translated entirely in Elvhen instead of only partially. "sa'lath" is "my only love", or essentially "soulmate".


End file.
